The Prof.

Met The Prof. over the supper and talked over all. My Christmas, his, my New Year, his, my family, his, my heath, his, my financial situation, his, life and death or should I say, dying. The food was good, and the conversation was charged, but like always, very intriguing. He has this cutting through eyes to penetrate things, I told him that reminds me of my dad (I told the same to my dad). Perhaps it is a gift one can only get from the stretched time of solitude where he/she can pour out one's whole energy into a subject of interest. In return, they have to pay for a price, the price of loneliness. It must've been hard to bear even for someone like him or my dad. I saw tears in his eyes. I never expected I would see that. Tears of a waling man who was once tall and proud were surreal. I was selfish. I held his hands and felt puzzled if this means I am no longer able to cry for advice or help from him anymore, and if this means it would be MY turn to lend my shoulders to the others. Then I began wondering if I ever am ready for such a role.

Feeling the emotionally charged shadow sitting down on his face, I thought of the end. Experiencing deaths in the proximity over the past couple of years, I become aware when it approachs. Perhaps because he kept mentioning it over the dinner?

I felt responsible. Resonsible for now carrying some of his worries instead of inviting him to mine, and responsible for providing guidance to him/the others instead of asking one from them. However, the same questions lingered; AM I READY?? And at the end of my days, how would I want to be remembered? What legacy would I want to leave? What kind of people would I want to be surrounded by at my death bed? How much of the property do I want to leave behind to whom? How do I want to claim my life was like in front of the God? Would I be able to say to him, "I followed you alright, I completed the tasks you've given to me, and I am content to leave me in your hands?"

I am too small yet.

Seoul, Seoul, Seoul~

It's been exactly a week since I returned to Vancouver from the two week's vacation in Seoul. Things were wonderful; couldn't hope for more. The dinners with family, relatives and friends who I haven't met too often in the past two years were happily taking their time to meet me at the airport and sit with me over a few dinners. I thank them wholeheartedly. I am truly blessed.

While I enjoyed my time with the beloveds, I noticed some changes in and out of the country. The passing of Kim Jeong-il was one of them, which triggered a lots of speculations for Korean experts about the future of peninsula and how it would weign in the set of international politics. I was, of course, very keenly interested and hoping this wouldn't bringing in too much confusion in the region. After all, that is the country where I was born and raised.

The streets in Seoul has been changed quite a bit. I couldn't believe I had to ask questions to passers-by while I strolled down the allies where I used to spend so much time growing up; felt very odd. After enjoying all those Kimchi bombarded comfort food, and companying of friends and family, I began missing things in Vancouver that I found a new discovery. I must've develop a new sense of home-ness here when I didn't even realize. Although I still miss my family and my pet in Seoul, I am happy to claim that I feel also quite comfortable and relieved to be home in Vancouver.

Good to be back to blogging as well. It's been almost two years since my previous writing!