Uncle

A phone call pierced through the night and shook my mundane life this dawn. Jong, my favorite uncle of all fell from the rooptop and severely injured, so it said. He was then announced a near-death by his doctors. The family was summoned for this emergency.

It shocked me almost as much as I learned what happened to my baby sis years ago, but this time there is no turning back at all. Another call tore the night again and delivered a message of his passing. Silence... what is there left to say? Everything happened so quickly. He was injured on Sunday night and was gone by Monday evening. And we were all shook, stunned by this thunder lightening tragedy. Oh, how well was he loved, received by all? He was the rare one who already carried someone else's burden on his shoulder and still delivers smile to all, where as the others so occupied by their own pathetic chores. Why should he go first? Why the good ones are going first? It is rather cheesy, but I couldn't help but asking the question; why life has to be this unfair!

Oh, I will miss him so much! I will miss his chuckles that used to give me strength in difficult times; it had this magic power always boosting up my morale. But indeed, he had been carrying his own grave illness. Blinded by his energizing smiles and chuckles, we were terribly underestimate his condition. Oh, we will miss you, uncle. I am missing you so much and my heart is aching. Why should you go when there are still so many things uncompleted and waiting for your touch? Were you ready? What did you think when you knew you would leave for somewhere you would never return? Did you think of us? What would you want us to be? How would you want us to carry your legacy? How am I going to return what I've indebted to you? What do you want me to do? How about all the promises that you would visit me here? Uncle, I am hearing your chuckles, playful scoldings, and still feeling your warm hugs... Oh, how I return the blessings you poured on to me!

Suffocation

Feeling closphobic, I fear what if my life ends here. Moving tedious job to another in the past two years, I felt hard to face visitors from home. They asked what I am doing, and they chuckled. I chuckled back as I did not the answer. Yes, they had me realized that I've been in denial. Although, struggling all along and striving so hard, I can't comfortably say I've pursued what I was supposed and achived. Yes, I have a job, but I don't have a career. Yes, I have a place to mingle, but I don't feel belong.

Why should I always feel such ambiguity? I am tired. Lord, why don't you show me the way and lead me as you always did?